My life...what a stupendous mess...the last time I blogged was a year ago! This last year was one of the hardest in my life. The first semester was actually pretty good! I started school, I got two solos in my productions at dance, I was feeling good and doing well. This year is very different. I am not performing in a production and I am going to a new school. The second semester of last year I got mono. This completely ruined seven months of my life and is still affecting it. I did get back into reading a lot and watching really good shows and movies but if I had had a choice, I would have rather danced and been well. My worship dance company has moved me into advanced levels which I an exceedingly grateful for. I stopped running very long ago but I hope to continue that as well as swimming and ballet.
Recently, I have had a wonderful obsession with film, acting, and things of the sort. I have been weighing my options of pursuing acting or ballet as a career. Neither will be easy or convenient and I love both, I think. I have only had experience long enough in ballet to judge whether I love it or not. Dance has always been a passion for me and while I can see myself acting, I really love ballet. I could dance for now since there are so many opportunities for dance where I live and very few for acting.
The most recent film I have been enamored with is The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I have always loved these and saw them when I was very young, but in the last two days, I have seen all three with the cast commentary. I never thought that I would be able to understand or immerse myself into the world further (without reading the books of course) but I was. Every time I would usually cry, I cried so much harder because I knew what the actors were perceiving and thinking and their mindset behind what they decided to do. Also, without listening to the soundtrack and dialogue fully, I was able to see all the visual techniques that were used by the amazing Peter Jackson. It is like when you lose one sense the others become stronger, I believe. I have never wanted to read the books more!
For school this year I am learning many subjects since I missed a few credits last semester. I am studying Chemistry, Physics, Algebra 2, Advanced Mathematics, U.S. History, English, French 2, and taking classes in piano, guitar, and research essays. My English class is the most complicated. I have a grammar book, the essay class, Shakespearean Literature, general reading, this blog, and NaNoWriMo! Oh the joys of homeschooling! It sure is a lot but I have an entire year to complete it so I am not worried.
I am really trying to get well enough to get a job soon. Otherwise I cannot pay for my dance classes. Or anything else for that matter. There are so many things that I "need" that I can only buy for myself, just because my family does not have enough money to get everything for me, so I need to be able to get money myself. This is probably the hardest because I have fairly bad anxiety and depression so it is a struggle for me to think through that situation. I keep fading between "wow I being such a wimp. Just suck it up and get a job..." and "Oh dear Lord, I am having a panic attack, I can't breathe, oh my, I need money, I need this and that and and and........stressful..." So yeah I am kind of lost in my stupendous mess of a life.
In other parts of my life, I am trying to reduce my possessions. I have an abundance of yarn so I am knitting a bunch to use it up. I am using up my paints and things in my art collection to reduce that a bit. I am also trying to find lots of D.I.Y. projects to use up some things in my collections. Reduce, reuse, and recycle, right? Also, BBC has ruined me for most American shows and movies with actually character depth... :)
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